#brainspew

My oh, oh my.

I thought being busier would help.
So busy. Busy.

I'm not at the top of my game as I once was, but then again, this is a transition from the "doing" to the "telling to do."

Yeah, going as expected.

I see more and more of my father in myself as each day goes by.
Mixed feelings there.

I suppose homesickness is a real thing. Bring on Thanksgiving.
A homecooked meal is probably all my grumpy crotchety-ness filled stomach needs to satisfy it's hangriness.

I think I've finally come to terms with my laptop being stolen before I could transfer all of my writing that I did in the last year or so. It kinda feels like, the last year was such a year of growth, it doesn't deserve to have its history and art it caused erased. But then, that also makes sense.

Knowing that gap is there in the chapters of my writing, eats at me. I suppose it's not that bad, its more like every time I have to rewrite my novel from the beginning (...the third time in a decade its been lost; and yes, back up lessons learned, but sometimes Murphy's law has nothing on Whitworth's law...), the novel seems to get refined and a smidgen better.

I've become a lot more dedicated to the cause as well, probably to the dismay of societal obligations, but I've grown tired of the masks and characters I must portray in order to appear "interested" or "engaged." The truth is, I like being alone, and I don't like being around people. Not all the time.
And that's weird to me, cause that will never work in a relationship.

I see more and more of my father in myself as each day goes by.
Terrified feelings there.

And so the dedication to writing and creating again. It's easier now that it's not a vehicle to a living and more a need to explain.
It's swell.

Sometimes I worry myself, but the island just has to much yet to be tamed to be shared. Sorry.

I have a plan, it's going to be difficult and depend on a lot of "maybes," but it just might work. And should it work, I'll be making a return to a land of opportunity by this time next year (...Whitworth's law dictates at least half of the "maybes" being hard "no's..."). But hey, that's life. Deal with it.