Cracker Crumbs

I don't know where I am or what I feel.

Here I am at 29.
Age is a number, or so we're all told.

I got a birthday card from my mother in the mail today.
One of the things she signed in the card was "Party like you'll never get old. You won't: you were born an old soul."

I love that.

Yet here I am, an old soul.

I've always felt older than my age and mostly told I act older than my age.
I get stuck trying to act my age, and do quite well sometimes. Even making up for past ages I may have skipped in my maturity stages.

I seem to be continually attempting, pitifully I might add, to make the mistakes I know I should make at my age. Thats what we're supposed to do. You know, at this age or that age. I don't understand why, and though I know better, I attempt acting on the knowledge that this is what I'm supposed to do, rather simply accept that I'm ok not doing those things and just be me, regardless of age.

We all know that doesn't happen. The unequivocal desire for all of us to fit in and be "normal" drives the "actions" of our own age.

Each time we find ourselves we must realize we were lost in the first place, and every lost thing that is found is always in the last place you left it.

It's interesting, the trail of crumbs one might leave themselves, knowing full well your intentions of acting your age. Your old soul crumbles the crackers of circumspection and leaves them for your younger self to follow back to where you've "lost yourself."

Hindsight is 20/20 indeed, yet whats the scenario when you know better, yet do it anyway?
Oh, right.

Stupidity.
Oh to be young and stupid.

Simpler times.
Lego creations, cartoons, clothes that don't match, careless enjoyment of the world around you.
Much simpler, being a child.

Oh, the atrocities of growing older, you saucy minx. The conundrum found in the desire of reliving one's past with the knowledge that one contained now could be easily solved if one would pause and look for the trail of cracker crumbs.

And so the circle of life continues, another year gained, another self found, and another childish dream put to rest.

I need some bigger crackers.